I didn't want to fight. But found myself in a fight none the less. Seems there are always underlying issues. Nothing new. Just some of them never seem to resolve...and new oddities begin to surface such as my relatively new inability to eat yogurt because it contains live organisms...seems I feel horrified for the stupid little bacteria...I mean, would YOU like to be eaten alive? And, for exactly the same reason, my strange new disgust at semen. How...horrible, really. I didn't tell Jon about my new phobias to have the issue used against me in an argument, and yet that happened...he said it was awfully "convenient" an excuse. How that hurt, especially because there was no truth to it. And, yes we are still having sex, its not that I'm barring the door at night or anything, I just no longer do certain things I used to do. Also, I have little interest in sex lately. Most of the time, no matter what, I cannot orgasm, which makes it an exercise in frustration. No idea why or what exactly has changed. Used to be quite simple. I actually believe that my body has begun to hate me and I have little patience with myself.
I am not a germophobe. I will eat and drink after people I know and love. I rarely wash my hands unless for a good reason...like I went poo...and I shun antibacterial soap...it just makes the germs stronger. I have only taken antibiotics for strep throat, tonsillitis and sinus infections...which I let go too long because I didn't realize it wasn't just a cold/flu. Plus, I abhor doctors. Haven't been to so much as a gynecologist/doctor/dentist for five years now. Not that I could ever afford to go. No insurance, isn't America grand when her people can't even afford medical care?
The underlying issues are easier to identify the more years we are together. My mental state, which gets terrifically iffy in the winter because I hate winter and I hate that there is little to no sunlight...and the fact that Jon feels he should somehow craft a magic potion and be able to "cure" me of...anything that's making me sad. I have assured him, that while sweet, it is too grandiose a goal for him to set for himself. Of course, he never wants to hear that. Yes, he does make me happy...but no, he's not going to just happen across some magic bullet for all that has ailed me since I was born.
He also hates that I have virtually no "look forward" in me, rarely make any plans, and never "hope" for the best. Never have, never will. Lots of those things were driven out of my system in childhood. "Hope" accounts for nothing...only "doing" gets results. And, no I wasn't taught. I learned that on my own. He thinks it is marvelously depressing. Maybe it is. Plan for the worst. Yep, that's me, and, even then, when the "worst" happens, it can always get worse. If I feel like doing something, I will, I'm not going to set it into stone and say things like "On Thursday, at 11 am, I am going to have my hair cut."
Also, I feel quite cooped up and hampered by city life. Maybe I want to wander around my own backyard unnoticed by the general populace and take long pointless walks to nowhere...breathe actual clean air, see maybe only one car in an hour, hear trees moving in the wind, smell grass or snow, or all the things that make me happy...is it any wonder I feel cooped up? I keep feeling like I am trapped. Jon says well, we could just move. I think he has forgotten how enormously expensive that process was the last time we moved. And, this time, we have no savings account. Yeah, sure we are going to sell a house on which the only thing we have managed to repair/fix/replace in three years is the front porch. The plumbing is still a shambles and has gotten even shakier...and such is life. So, I feel he is overly optimistic.
Jon actually got offended that I stopped the playback of the tv to listen to something he was talking about because I found I couldn't concentrate on both things. This has gotten worse in me. If two people are talking, even if one is on tv, I can no longer concentrate on both, it leaves me irritated and with a feeling like my head is going to explode. I used to be quite good at listening to both things. I have no idea why stopping Netflix from playing for a moment was so offensive since I figured the person sitting next to me was more important than some talking head on a documentary.
I know Jon loves me. He puts up with loads of my eccentricities without a whimper, but its the old ones he's never been able to help me conquer and the new, strange ones which neither of us understand that he's having trouble dealing with. And, I suppose, so I am. I love him too, which is why I am so upset that we had a fight.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Maybe I shouldn't have chosen "Snow White: A Tale of Terror"
So, as usual, I have a day off and I become obsessive about something. It's ridiculous. Why can't I just have a day off where my mind doesn't go into hyper drive?
Today's obsession: How to Become More "Girlie." Yep. I have no clue and never have. In fact, I am prone to abhor most anything women who are more feminine than me enjoy. And yet, I will try fail, and try again...and feel like an idiot.
And why should I care, anyway?
That answer is easy. I think Jon, in lots of ways, feels emasculated by me. For the longest periods I have been to sole breadwinner and I also am quite physically strong and quite independent. I think there is something leftover in the psyche of men and they want the women in their lives to need them. Not to say that I don't need Jon, I do. I just think its not as obvious as he would like it. I've never been the picture of a damsel in distress.
He has, over a period of several years wanted me to wear, act, think, become more feminine....and been supportive in any effort I have made to that end. The problem is, no matter what clothes I wear, any makeup I put on, how my hair is cut, I always revert to old habits. I feel silly in makeup and I feel like a blazing idiot while wearing a dress or skirt unless I am drinking. And I hate looking at my reflection in mirrors, always have, or looking at photos of myself.
My sister in law wanted her wedding party to look nice for her wedding. I found I quite liked the acrylic nails until they grew out, then I obsessed with peeling them off because I couldn't stand the thought of soaking my fingernails in acetone to dissolve the damn things and then, of course, would have never been able to afford the upkeep on them. So, for a year after their wedding my nails were brittle and constantly breaking because the acrylic nails wrecked my natural ones. And, yet I liked the nails. They looked nicer than the ones I am constantly breaking at work.
Just seems wrong that women have to "poison" themselves to become more attractive. I have dyed my hair for several years. Ten, maybe? Don't really know. I like having reddish hair. Too bad I can never figure out how to style my own hair. Even when I do have it professionally cut I can never make it look as nice as the hairdresser can...and I am a perfect horror about doing more than brushing and washing it...and mostly I don't even brush it.
Clothes are a joke. I, for some reason, cannot seem ever to lose weight. All the clothes I actually like don't come in such large sizes. Doesn't matter that my body seems to reject food, or that once I eat, I feel ill and my head gets fuzzy and I can't think. I had a scare once that I was pregnant, because every time I tried to eat or do....anything...I'd feel nauseous. I've never actually recovered from that. I still don't like to eat much before 4 pm...and then will usually eat at 10pm for my one meal of the day then go to bed. And, yet, I swear I am still gaining weight. I'd eat if I felt like it. I really would. I'd love to wake up and be hungry and not regret the food I just ate.
And, yes, I am depressed today. I often am. I don't know the answer to that either. I have a houseful of dogs, cats, a rabbit,and a husband who all love me, and great friends who worry about me, and I appreciate them more than they even know but I can never really shake depression for long. I have never been able to do that. I can hide from it for a time, and then, it haunts me.
So maybe becoming more feminine would give me a chance at playing someone else...anyone else. Maybe it would be good for me, if only I had the tenacity to keep it up...
Today's obsession: How to Become More "Girlie." Yep. I have no clue and never have. In fact, I am prone to abhor most anything women who are more feminine than me enjoy. And yet, I will try fail, and try again...and feel like an idiot.
And why should I care, anyway?
That answer is easy. I think Jon, in lots of ways, feels emasculated by me. For the longest periods I have been to sole breadwinner and I also am quite physically strong and quite independent. I think there is something leftover in the psyche of men and they want the women in their lives to need them. Not to say that I don't need Jon, I do. I just think its not as obvious as he would like it. I've never been the picture of a damsel in distress.
He has, over a period of several years wanted me to wear, act, think, become more feminine....and been supportive in any effort I have made to that end. The problem is, no matter what clothes I wear, any makeup I put on, how my hair is cut, I always revert to old habits. I feel silly in makeup and I feel like a blazing idiot while wearing a dress or skirt unless I am drinking. And I hate looking at my reflection in mirrors, always have, or looking at photos of myself.
My sister in law wanted her wedding party to look nice for her wedding. I found I quite liked the acrylic nails until they grew out, then I obsessed with peeling them off because I couldn't stand the thought of soaking my fingernails in acetone to dissolve the damn things and then, of course, would have never been able to afford the upkeep on them. So, for a year after their wedding my nails were brittle and constantly breaking because the acrylic nails wrecked my natural ones. And, yet I liked the nails. They looked nicer than the ones I am constantly breaking at work.
Just seems wrong that women have to "poison" themselves to become more attractive. I have dyed my hair for several years. Ten, maybe? Don't really know. I like having reddish hair. Too bad I can never figure out how to style my own hair. Even when I do have it professionally cut I can never make it look as nice as the hairdresser can...and I am a perfect horror about doing more than brushing and washing it...and mostly I don't even brush it.
Clothes are a joke. I, for some reason, cannot seem ever to lose weight. All the clothes I actually like don't come in such large sizes. Doesn't matter that my body seems to reject food, or that once I eat, I feel ill and my head gets fuzzy and I can't think. I had a scare once that I was pregnant, because every time I tried to eat or do....anything...I'd feel nauseous. I've never actually recovered from that. I still don't like to eat much before 4 pm...and then will usually eat at 10pm for my one meal of the day then go to bed. And, yet, I swear I am still gaining weight. I'd eat if I felt like it. I really would. I'd love to wake up and be hungry and not regret the food I just ate.
And, yes, I am depressed today. I often am. I don't know the answer to that either. I have a houseful of dogs, cats, a rabbit,and a husband who all love me, and great friends who worry about me, and I appreciate them more than they even know but I can never really shake depression for long. I have never been able to do that. I can hide from it for a time, and then, it haunts me.
So maybe becoming more feminine would give me a chance at playing someone else...anyone else. Maybe it would be good for me, if only I had the tenacity to keep it up...
Monday, January 23, 2012
Good and bad
Had an awesome Chinese New Year with tasty noms prepared by Ruth and Joe. Jon ended up getting out of working after all, so we had a nice long visit. I bought girlie beer margaritas and we talked lots about various things.
I had to work a Monday, of all things because of the store's inventory although I really didn't do anything different than I do any other day that I work. Tim required it, however, so I couldn't really do anything about it.
My parents picked today to call me because they know I am usually off on Mondays to make sure we are doing okay. Apparently my mom had one of those weird spells her heart goes through because the nerves suddenly become all spastic and her heart starts beating crazily. So, she ended up having to do stress tests and EKGs and all that jazz, they took her off the pill that was supposed to prevent all these things from happening and there is nothing else they can give her to regulate it. So, sadly, if this happens too often, they are going to have to cut the nerves and give her a pacemaker. I really really hope not. And I really sincerely hope my dad calls and lets me know in advance. I had no idea she'd had another spell. I mean, I'd like to be there if they are going to crack her open. It's a pretty serious operation. So she was off work for four days and now has a serious cold or flu...ehhh...but apparently is okay now.
I had to work a Monday, of all things because of the store's inventory although I really didn't do anything different than I do any other day that I work. Tim required it, however, so I couldn't really do anything about it.
My parents picked today to call me because they know I am usually off on Mondays to make sure we are doing okay. Apparently my mom had one of those weird spells her heart goes through because the nerves suddenly become all spastic and her heart starts beating crazily. So, she ended up having to do stress tests and EKGs and all that jazz, they took her off the pill that was supposed to prevent all these things from happening and there is nothing else they can give her to regulate it. So, sadly, if this happens too often, they are going to have to cut the nerves and give her a pacemaker. I really really hope not. And I really sincerely hope my dad calls and lets me know in advance. I had no idea she'd had another spell. I mean, I'd like to be there if they are going to crack her open. It's a pretty serious operation. So she was off work for four days and now has a serious cold or flu...ehhh...but apparently is okay now.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Today I am sad
I think I sacrificed too many of the things that are important to me to live in Michigan.
I no longer feel like I have the freedom to ramble about outdoors with no one for miles, even at three in the morning. The last thing I want to see on a walk are other people, house after house smooshed together in neat rows, and any evidence of town. I want the wide open spaces, the farms, the fields, the cows, the critters and the stars.
There are no stars in Redford unless I am very lucky to manage to see them, which I think, is about three times a year due to the pollution and the stupid ever-present orange city sky. The sky is never dark here and I hate that. I always have. I have never gotten used to that in three years.
I miss the acknowledgement of people who are actually dependent on nature, instead of the grocery store...and who think a power outage is commonplace, and nothing to fret about. Where water comes out of the ground instead of some horrible building where its mixed with absurd amounts of chlorine and comes out of the tap tasting like a swimming pool. I have noticed that I drink about one glass of water a day, maybe, if I feel like it...and I don't ever feel like it. And, no I don't exactly just replace it with soda. I drink one of those a day, maybe, if I feel like going to the store and I never feel like going to the store. I just have stopped drinking liquids mostly.
I have neighbors who don't know my name, wave at me or even notice I'm alive. Wow. I notice them and wave at them. Maybe I don't know their names, but I do notice when things aren't normal in their world.
I have to walk my dogs on a leash, what a crock of shit. What a dumb place to live. Sucks all the enjoyment out of everything. I enjoy watching my dogs chase chipmunks and birds and running without being held to a tether. They always obeyed. But, here, I have to worry about freeways and idiot people who are afraid of dogs.
Sure, my house is my own, but I hate where its located. All it has going for it is that its mine and there are some big trees in the yard. Lots of important things are broken and we've never been able to fix them. Like the plumbing. At least, back home, I could just go pee/poo outside somewhere and no one would give a flying fuck. Here, I could be considered a sexual predator just because our drain is backed up. Drains where I came from don't back up. There is no thing as a city sewer. There's only the septic tank.
I know I am just having a bad day. But, I thought I'd get used to all this mess, and wouldn't miss all those things so terribly much. I have been here since December 2008 and I still hate Redford. It would be great if I could afford some little house on a rambling bit of nothingness...at least half a mile from the neighbors...I wouldn't care if it was in Michigan. I have great friends who live here. I'm just pretty sure I'll never be able to afford such a place. I can barely afford this one with its low, low mortgage payment.
I no longer feel like I have the freedom to ramble about outdoors with no one for miles, even at three in the morning. The last thing I want to see on a walk are other people, house after house smooshed together in neat rows, and any evidence of town. I want the wide open spaces, the farms, the fields, the cows, the critters and the stars.
There are no stars in Redford unless I am very lucky to manage to see them, which I think, is about three times a year due to the pollution and the stupid ever-present orange city sky. The sky is never dark here and I hate that. I always have. I have never gotten used to that in three years.
I miss the acknowledgement of people who are actually dependent on nature, instead of the grocery store...and who think a power outage is commonplace, and nothing to fret about. Where water comes out of the ground instead of some horrible building where its mixed with absurd amounts of chlorine and comes out of the tap tasting like a swimming pool. I have noticed that I drink about one glass of water a day, maybe, if I feel like it...and I don't ever feel like it. And, no I don't exactly just replace it with soda. I drink one of those a day, maybe, if I feel like going to the store and I never feel like going to the store. I just have stopped drinking liquids mostly.
I have neighbors who don't know my name, wave at me or even notice I'm alive. Wow. I notice them and wave at them. Maybe I don't know their names, but I do notice when things aren't normal in their world.
I have to walk my dogs on a leash, what a crock of shit. What a dumb place to live. Sucks all the enjoyment out of everything. I enjoy watching my dogs chase chipmunks and birds and running without being held to a tether. They always obeyed. But, here, I have to worry about freeways and idiot people who are afraid of dogs.
Sure, my house is my own, but I hate where its located. All it has going for it is that its mine and there are some big trees in the yard. Lots of important things are broken and we've never been able to fix them. Like the plumbing. At least, back home, I could just go pee/poo outside somewhere and no one would give a flying fuck. Here, I could be considered a sexual predator just because our drain is backed up. Drains where I came from don't back up. There is no thing as a city sewer. There's only the septic tank.
I know I am just having a bad day. But, I thought I'd get used to all this mess, and wouldn't miss all those things so terribly much. I have been here since December 2008 and I still hate Redford. It would be great if I could afford some little house on a rambling bit of nothingness...at least half a mile from the neighbors...I wouldn't care if it was in Michigan. I have great friends who live here. I'm just pretty sure I'll never be able to afford such a place. I can barely afford this one with its low, low mortgage payment.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Saturday
Lazy day off. Was up until about 5 am this morning. Jon had met up with an old friend, then brought him over for five minutes for introductions, then went back to his friend's house. Despite Jon's friends being quite drunk, I could tell this guy, I'll call him "Chad", had shot his bolt. There is something to looking in someone's eyes and seeing only a reflection of what they see, and nothing of what they are thinking. Not that he was unpleasant or rude or anything other than friendly, quite the opposite, actually, he just wasn't really present.
There was an older gentleman in the store last night with the same clear mirror eyes. He spent literally an hour walking back and forth between the bolt aisle and the register I wasn't using to weigh various grades and weights of bolts. Then he left. Then he came back and did it some more. I asked him if he needed any help, and he said "No, not at all, I just wanted to know how much it was all going to cost." Acceptable answer. Then he bought $5 worth of bolts with a $200 gift card, and proceeded to chat to me about getting a concussion from a 44 inch chainsaw...clear, clear eyes, quite mad.
Jon embarrassingly enough had told Chad that I would judge him in about ten seconds after meeting him before they walked in the door. Or so I learned later. Makes me sound like a terrible person. And Levon, frighteningly enough, agreed that I can read people easily. I asked Jon why on earth he would tell someone such a thing. He said it was meant as a compliment and that I am a "Bullshit Meter," of all things. So I suppose he's referring to my intuition. I see clearly. Sounds better than "I JUDGE EVERYONE."
So after long chats and such, it was 5 am when we went to sleep, Jon got up at 9 to go to work, I went back to sleep until noon. Now I am lazily playing on the computer and watching Disc 2 of Freaks and Geeks. I feel drained. I guess I was sad for Jon that one of his old best pals wasn't the way he remembered...and they are all still in their 20's. So sad. I can't say this has ever happened to me. The people in my life all tend to just....die in various horrible ways from disease, mental illness, or old age. But none of them have ever had those reflecting eyes that reflect nothing of themselves.
There was an older gentleman in the store last night with the same clear mirror eyes. He spent literally an hour walking back and forth between the bolt aisle and the register I wasn't using to weigh various grades and weights of bolts. Then he left. Then he came back and did it some more. I asked him if he needed any help, and he said "No, not at all, I just wanted to know how much it was all going to cost." Acceptable answer. Then he bought $5 worth of bolts with a $200 gift card, and proceeded to chat to me about getting a concussion from a 44 inch chainsaw...clear, clear eyes, quite mad.
Jon embarrassingly enough had told Chad that I would judge him in about ten seconds after meeting him before they walked in the door. Or so I learned later. Makes me sound like a terrible person. And Levon, frighteningly enough, agreed that I can read people easily. I asked Jon why on earth he would tell someone such a thing. He said it was meant as a compliment and that I am a "Bullshit Meter," of all things. So I suppose he's referring to my intuition. I see clearly. Sounds better than "I JUDGE EVERYONE."
So after long chats and such, it was 5 am when we went to sleep, Jon got up at 9 to go to work, I went back to sleep until noon. Now I am lazily playing on the computer and watching Disc 2 of Freaks and Geeks. I feel drained. I guess I was sad for Jon that one of his old best pals wasn't the way he remembered...and they are all still in their 20's. So sad. I can't say this has ever happened to me. The people in my life all tend to just....die in various horrible ways from disease, mental illness, or old age. But none of them have ever had those reflecting eyes that reflect nothing of themselves.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
It's ALIVE!
The parts store, of course, ordered the wrong a/c bypass pulley for the Jeep putting Jon in a mood I'll attribute to the big, bad wolf. He was so mad at them, he didn't give them a chance to order the correct part...because, for some reason, when you tell people you need a part for a 1996 Jeep Cherokee with a 4.0 Litre inline 6, they hear "Grand Cherokee". Nope. Not the same.
So, I took matters into my own hands, ordered the correct pulley from amazon, paid $12 extra for 2 day shipping because the parts store was going to charge me $50 no matter what (I had budgeted for $50 even though the part on Amazon was $38 and figured a mere $12 was worth a week's worth of NOT hearing "I just want my Jeep to run......whine, whine, snivel..")
Yesterday being a beautiful 50 degree January day in Michigan, Ed was busy and couldn't do the install. So, of course, Ed also apparently being a morning person, knocks on the door at 8 am ready to fix the Jeep. The clutch we were bypassing was totally disintegrated...no shocker. The compressor isn't locked up or anything. Jon may try to sell it on CraigsList.
I'm positive the a/c woes have nothing to do with the compressor anyway, vehicles with over 200,000 miles rarely hold the freon (yes, yes, its not freon anymore but I dunno what the new chemical is called) charge and its not worth the cost. If he can sell it, I'm all for it.
Ed tinkered and by 8:30 the Jeep roared to life. Jon is happy, meaning I am happy.
Also meaning I don't have to drive to Westland, drive to work, then drive to Westland. Yay! I hate driving in Westland. It's a land of the under-educated, folks with less than standard issue common sense who are sheep and loooovvve to visit the shopping district, more than your average percentage of drunk drivers, stupid incompetent teen drivers, and people driving the following car types: New expensive SUVs, alligator-snooted mini-vans, Cadillacs, and cars that are generally held together with duct tape. All of whom, I find, (through generalization) have drivers who are completely oblivious to others and will frequently, line up in LANES of the MAIN STREET at a DEAD STOP to go to some gas station on the corner where gas is 3 cents cheaper so people going through have no way to maneuver around aforementioned assholes.
In other news, Bear is finished with his hunger strike, meaning the in laws are due back today...we have been feeding him things like dollar menu hamburgers...and he will nibble on his dog food after eating a hamburger...the fiend.
Peaches, the bird, has gone insane and is plucking itself. I think he hates Jon and I. Am afraid Patti is going to freak out over her bald bird. We told Bob, who is not emotionally attached to it, but there really isn't anything we can do for Peaches. I think he just misses Patti.
So, I took matters into my own hands, ordered the correct pulley from amazon, paid $12 extra for 2 day shipping because the parts store was going to charge me $50 no matter what (I had budgeted for $50 even though the part on Amazon was $38 and figured a mere $12 was worth a week's worth of NOT hearing "I just want my Jeep to run......whine, whine, snivel..")
Yesterday being a beautiful 50 degree January day in Michigan, Ed was busy and couldn't do the install. So, of course, Ed also apparently being a morning person, knocks on the door at 8 am ready to fix the Jeep. The clutch we were bypassing was totally disintegrated...no shocker. The compressor isn't locked up or anything. Jon may try to sell it on CraigsList.
I'm positive the a/c woes have nothing to do with the compressor anyway, vehicles with over 200,000 miles rarely hold the freon (yes, yes, its not freon anymore but I dunno what the new chemical is called) charge and its not worth the cost. If he can sell it, I'm all for it.
Ed tinkered and by 8:30 the Jeep roared to life. Jon is happy, meaning I am happy.
Also meaning I don't have to drive to Westland, drive to work, then drive to Westland. Yay! I hate driving in Westland. It's a land of the under-educated, folks with less than standard issue common sense who are sheep and loooovvve to visit the shopping district, more than your average percentage of drunk drivers, stupid incompetent teen drivers, and people driving the following car types: New expensive SUVs, alligator-snooted mini-vans, Cadillacs, and cars that are generally held together with duct tape. All of whom, I find, (through generalization) have drivers who are completely oblivious to others and will frequently, line up in LANES of the MAIN STREET at a DEAD STOP to go to some gas station on the corner where gas is 3 cents cheaper so people going through have no way to maneuver around aforementioned assholes.
In other news, Bear is finished with his hunger strike, meaning the in laws are due back today...we have been feeding him things like dollar menu hamburgers...and he will nibble on his dog food after eating a hamburger...the fiend.
Peaches, the bird, has gone insane and is plucking itself. I think he hates Jon and I. Am afraid Patti is going to freak out over her bald bird. We told Bob, who is not emotionally attached to it, but there really isn't anything we can do for Peaches. I think he just misses Patti.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
The Game of Life
Fairly uneventful week. Jon's Jeep needs two parts, combined total $500...for a broken air conditioner that just happens to be connected to the serpentine belt, and, in essence, cause problems with the engine. I found a $50 alternative, an a/c bypass pulley, we just have to wait until the parts store has it on hand to fix the Jeep.
So I have been playing gopher for two days. Not so bad, but no wonder I was soooo tired all the time for soooo long. Example: wake up at 9 am, do dishes, throw a load of laundry into the washer, assess Jon's whining about he's going to drive it anyway (and perhaps become stranded with no hope of rescue), ignore him as he goes to let Bear out (his parents are in Missouri for a funeral), calls me, says Jeep is running rough (yep) and I tell him to get it back here so I can drive him to work. We leave at 10:30 am. I drop him off at around 11 am. I drive to Ruth's because my shift doesn't start until 12:30pm. Have nice chatty fun time until 12:15pm, head to work. Get off work at 8:20pm-ish. Pick up Jon at around 9pm. Drive home. Jon makes dinner. Jon drives to let Bear out again...oh, and buy Bear a $1 hamburger at McDonald's because, of course, he's gone on a hunger strike as he always does when Jon's parents leave on a trip. I am still doing laundry but am currently managing to sit on my ass...it is now 10:38 pm...so, yep, I am tired.
It's really too bad Bear is a fear-biter. He was never properly socialized with other animals, otherwise, I'd just dog-nap him and dog sit like I do for Sadie. But, no, he has to want to kill other animals because he's so terrified. He wouldn't have to be alone for such long intervals, and he'd have lots of happy animal friends when the people aren't home. Poor guy. I feel bad for him. He always quits eating, and essentially, drinking, when Patti and Bob leave.
Also, Patti and Bob left to attend Patti's father's funeral. They arrive to discover that, somehow, the funeral isn't being held until Saturday, which makes it impossible for her to attend after they have drive all that distance. The funeral director claims that "it takes time to let family know and arrange things." I think the guy is just incompetent. As far as I've ever experienced (and I've had quite a few family members die), family notifies family, and funerals generally take place 3 days after a death. Not always, but, its usually soon. No one wants to delay these things because of their unpleasant nature. He was an old man in a nursing home, its not like he was 8 years old and was quite suddenly struck by a car.
I think we should take Patti out to a movie or something. I feel really awful for her. I can't imagine having to miss my father's funeral because of someone else's thoughtlessness.
Having bizarre PMS issues. A week or so of symptoms, unpleasant ones, like cramps, and nothing. I am actually really dreading the start of the thing more than I usually dread it. Not helping with the tired feeling.
Well, off to the shower. Water should be good and hot after a load of laundry.
So I have been playing gopher for two days. Not so bad, but no wonder I was soooo tired all the time for soooo long. Example: wake up at 9 am, do dishes, throw a load of laundry into the washer, assess Jon's whining about he's going to drive it anyway (and perhaps become stranded with no hope of rescue), ignore him as he goes to let Bear out (his parents are in Missouri for a funeral), calls me, says Jeep is running rough (yep) and I tell him to get it back here so I can drive him to work. We leave at 10:30 am. I drop him off at around 11 am. I drive to Ruth's because my shift doesn't start until 12:30pm. Have nice chatty fun time until 12:15pm, head to work. Get off work at 8:20pm-ish. Pick up Jon at around 9pm. Drive home. Jon makes dinner. Jon drives to let Bear out again...oh, and buy Bear a $1 hamburger at McDonald's because, of course, he's gone on a hunger strike as he always does when Jon's parents leave on a trip. I am still doing laundry but am currently managing to sit on my ass...it is now 10:38 pm...so, yep, I am tired.
It's really too bad Bear is a fear-biter. He was never properly socialized with other animals, otherwise, I'd just dog-nap him and dog sit like I do for Sadie. But, no, he has to want to kill other animals because he's so terrified. He wouldn't have to be alone for such long intervals, and he'd have lots of happy animal friends when the people aren't home. Poor guy. I feel bad for him. He always quits eating, and essentially, drinking, when Patti and Bob leave.
Also, Patti and Bob left to attend Patti's father's funeral. They arrive to discover that, somehow, the funeral isn't being held until Saturday, which makes it impossible for her to attend after they have drive all that distance. The funeral director claims that "it takes time to let family know and arrange things." I think the guy is just incompetent. As far as I've ever experienced (and I've had quite a few family members die), family notifies family, and funerals generally take place 3 days after a death. Not always, but, its usually soon. No one wants to delay these things because of their unpleasant nature. He was an old man in a nursing home, its not like he was 8 years old and was quite suddenly struck by a car.
I think we should take Patti out to a movie or something. I feel really awful for her. I can't imagine having to miss my father's funeral because of someone else's thoughtlessness.
Having bizarre PMS issues. A week or so of symptoms, unpleasant ones, like cramps, and nothing. I am actually really dreading the start of the thing more than I usually dread it. Not helping with the tired feeling.
Well, off to the shower. Water should be good and hot after a load of laundry.
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