Today I am sad

I think I sacrificed too many of the things that are important to me to live in Michigan.

I no longer feel like I have the freedom to ramble about outdoors with no one for miles, even at three in the morning. The last thing I want to see on a walk are other people, house after house smooshed together in neat rows, and any evidence of town. I want the wide open spaces, the farms, the fields, the cows, the critters and the stars.

There are no stars in Redford unless I am very lucky to manage to see them, which I think, is about three times a year due to the pollution and the stupid ever-present orange city sky.  The sky is never dark here and I hate that.  I always have.  I have never gotten used to that in three years.

I miss the acknowledgement of people who are actually dependent on nature, instead of the grocery store...and who think a power outage is commonplace, and nothing to fret about.  Where water comes out of the ground instead of some horrible building where its mixed with absurd amounts of chlorine and comes out of the tap tasting like a swimming pool.  I have noticed that I drink about one glass of water a day, maybe, if I feel like it...and I don't ever feel like it. And, no I don't exactly just replace it with soda.  I drink one of those a day, maybe, if I feel like going to the store and I never feel like going to the store. I just have stopped drinking liquids mostly.

I have neighbors who don't know my name, wave at me or even notice I'm alive.  Wow.  I notice them and wave at them. Maybe I don't know their names, but I do notice when things aren't normal in their world.

I have to walk my dogs on a leash, what a crock of shit.  What a dumb place to live.  Sucks all the enjoyment out of everything.  I enjoy watching my dogs chase chipmunks and birds and running without being held to a tether.   They always obeyed.  But, here, I have to worry about freeways and idiot people who are afraid of dogs.

Sure, my house is my own, but I hate where its located. All it has going for it is that its mine and there are some big trees in the yard.  Lots of important things are broken and we've never been able to fix them.  Like the plumbing.  At least, back home, I could just go pee/poo outside somewhere and no one would give a flying fuck.  Here, I could be considered a sexual predator just because our drain is backed up.   Drains where I came from don't back up. There is no thing as a city sewer.  There's only the septic tank.

I know I am just having a bad day.  But, I thought I'd get used to all this mess, and wouldn't miss all those things so terribly much. I have been here since December 2008 and I still hate Redford.  It would be great if I could afford some little house on a rambling bit of nothingness...at least half a mile from the neighbors...I wouldn't care if it was in Michigan. I have great friends who live here.  I'm just pretty sure I'll never be able to afford such a place.  I can barely afford this one with its low, low mortgage payment.