This week I have learned I really, really dislike auctions/estate sales and the people who attend the sales. This is the second day of the sale at the house next door. Lots lighter on the people than the first day, of course; and the people are much less annoying.
A few tips on neighbor-house etiquette for those attending these sales:
1. Do NOT block driveways. This makes people who need to leave to go to work, attend a doctor's appointment, or come home from shopping very, very irritable. Also, the old lady across the street has a hard time walking; so if you block her driveway, I might just puncture a few of your tires just so you are also greatly inconvenienced.
2. Do NOT park directly across from said driveway when it is already surrounded by closely parked cars. Just HOW is one to dodge two cars on either side of a driveway and the one immediately behind when there is nowhere else to go? It was so bad at one point I wouldn't even have been able to drive on my lawn to get to the street. I imagine if I had run outside with my sledgehammer and started denting the offending cars I would have gotten some people to park elsewhere.
3. Don't stare in through my windows while you are snooping next door. You will catch me hanging up laundry in my other living room on the clothesline I installed there because we have decided not to fix the dryer. You will catch us walking around possibly naked because the clothes we need may be hanging from that clothesline. This will be more than you bargained for. This is MY house. If I want to be naked inside it, I will be. Anything you might not want to see is all your fault for looking into people's windows.
4. Don't give the residents attitude when asked to move the 20 foot Buick you used to block two thirds of their driveway. No one believes that you drove here in that boat and didn't realize it doesn't fit in a space that will only contain a compact car. We might just decide to whip out a penis and piss through those windows that are cracked for ventilation.
5. If you are a yuppie douche bag, leave the blue tooth, the natty khaki pants and all your douche-baggler attire behind. No one here is impressed by your wardrobe. In fact, most of us are quite annoyed with your "goon suit." Ties aren't even sturdy enough for you to hang yourself from, or I'd suggest you do so if you can't at least lose the blue tooth.
And my favorite reason not to annoy the residents: I saw a car fire on the freeway three nights ago. It was the most awesome thing I've seen in a long time. The whole front end of this shit box was entirely engulfed against the night. The fire department and the cops had just decided to let it burn because it was beyond stopping. It was a beautiful thing.
Showing posts with label idiots. Show all posts
Showing posts with label idiots. Show all posts
Friday, May 11, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
It's ALIVE!
The parts store, of course, ordered the wrong a/c bypass pulley for the Jeep putting Jon in a mood I'll attribute to the big, bad wolf. He was so mad at them, he didn't give them a chance to order the correct part...because, for some reason, when you tell people you need a part for a 1996 Jeep Cherokee with a 4.0 Litre inline 6, they hear "Grand Cherokee". Nope. Not the same.
So, I took matters into my own hands, ordered the correct pulley from amazon, paid $12 extra for 2 day shipping because the parts store was going to charge me $50 no matter what (I had budgeted for $50 even though the part on Amazon was $38 and figured a mere $12 was worth a week's worth of NOT hearing "I just want my Jeep to run......whine, whine, snivel..")
Yesterday being a beautiful 50 degree January day in Michigan, Ed was busy and couldn't do the install. So, of course, Ed also apparently being a morning person, knocks on the door at 8 am ready to fix the Jeep. The clutch we were bypassing was totally disintegrated...no shocker. The compressor isn't locked up or anything. Jon may try to sell it on CraigsList.
I'm positive the a/c woes have nothing to do with the compressor anyway, vehicles with over 200,000 miles rarely hold the freon (yes, yes, its not freon anymore but I dunno what the new chemical is called) charge and its not worth the cost. If he can sell it, I'm all for it.
Ed tinkered and by 8:30 the Jeep roared to life. Jon is happy, meaning I am happy.
Also meaning I don't have to drive to Westland, drive to work, then drive to Westland. Yay! I hate driving in Westland. It's a land of the under-educated, folks with less than standard issue common sense who are sheep and loooovvve to visit the shopping district, more than your average percentage of drunk drivers, stupid incompetent teen drivers, and people driving the following car types: New expensive SUVs, alligator-snooted mini-vans, Cadillacs, and cars that are generally held together with duct tape. All of whom, I find, (through generalization) have drivers who are completely oblivious to others and will frequently, line up in LANES of the MAIN STREET at a DEAD STOP to go to some gas station on the corner where gas is 3 cents cheaper so people going through have no way to maneuver around aforementioned assholes.
In other news, Bear is finished with his hunger strike, meaning the in laws are due back today...we have been feeding him things like dollar menu hamburgers...and he will nibble on his dog food after eating a hamburger...the fiend.
Peaches, the bird, has gone insane and is plucking itself. I think he hates Jon and I. Am afraid Patti is going to freak out over her bald bird. We told Bob, who is not emotionally attached to it, but there really isn't anything we can do for Peaches. I think he just misses Patti.
So, I took matters into my own hands, ordered the correct pulley from amazon, paid $12 extra for 2 day shipping because the parts store was going to charge me $50 no matter what (I had budgeted for $50 even though the part on Amazon was $38 and figured a mere $12 was worth a week's worth of NOT hearing "I just want my Jeep to run......whine, whine, snivel..")
Yesterday being a beautiful 50 degree January day in Michigan, Ed was busy and couldn't do the install. So, of course, Ed also apparently being a morning person, knocks on the door at 8 am ready to fix the Jeep. The clutch we were bypassing was totally disintegrated...no shocker. The compressor isn't locked up or anything. Jon may try to sell it on CraigsList.
I'm positive the a/c woes have nothing to do with the compressor anyway, vehicles with over 200,000 miles rarely hold the freon (yes, yes, its not freon anymore but I dunno what the new chemical is called) charge and its not worth the cost. If he can sell it, I'm all for it.
Ed tinkered and by 8:30 the Jeep roared to life. Jon is happy, meaning I am happy.
Also meaning I don't have to drive to Westland, drive to work, then drive to Westland. Yay! I hate driving in Westland. It's a land of the under-educated, folks with less than standard issue common sense who are sheep and loooovvve to visit the shopping district, more than your average percentage of drunk drivers, stupid incompetent teen drivers, and people driving the following car types: New expensive SUVs, alligator-snooted mini-vans, Cadillacs, and cars that are generally held together with duct tape. All of whom, I find, (through generalization) have drivers who are completely oblivious to others and will frequently, line up in LANES of the MAIN STREET at a DEAD STOP to go to some gas station on the corner where gas is 3 cents cheaper so people going through have no way to maneuver around aforementioned assholes.
In other news, Bear is finished with his hunger strike, meaning the in laws are due back today...we have been feeding him things like dollar menu hamburgers...and he will nibble on his dog food after eating a hamburger...the fiend.
Peaches, the bird, has gone insane and is plucking itself. I think he hates Jon and I. Am afraid Patti is going to freak out over her bald bird. We told Bob, who is not emotionally attached to it, but there really isn't anything we can do for Peaches. I think he just misses Patti.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Mixed Nuts
This week customers have
1. Argued over whether or not the New Hudson location sells goat's milk soap. Adamantly, confidently and quite crankily. This man was seriously trying to pick a fight over soap. A presumably straight, bearded, man. It was difficult not to laugh in front of him over the absurdity of the situation and I had to call in a manager. He wouldn't take my word for it...then he argued with HER.
2. Lost a purse and somehow assumed I had seen anything. Customer called, said she wondered if anyone had found a purse in a cart, I said no, but that I would look. I found nothing. Took her information, name, phone number, posted a brief note on the register to call her if one is found...she showed up at the store arguing with me over whether or not I found it, what we would do with it if it were found (put it in the office safe, of course), if I had seen her with it, yes, I did. She had like 6 different checkbooks in there and was trying to figure out which account she wanted to pay her bill with...seemed weird, which is why I even remember her at all. She left kind of huffy. Called back, got the Poodle, asked if we had cameras and if they'd show anything...nope, sadly we don't qualify for cameras (imagine!) so we can all pick our asses and no one will ever see...
3. Asked me a million questions about stoves, while I was running the cash register, then when I paged someone on the floor to help them, didn't want to talk about stoves at all.
4. Have jumped out from behind the gun safes at others and gotten thrown out of the store.
5. Yelled at me that the Black Oil Sunflower seeds are too pricy (even though the Spurminator has them on some sort of perma-sale of $2 off the price the other stores are offering) and that he won't be buying any more and that the birds will have to just learn to go hungry!!!! Trying to guilt-trip me into thinking wild birds can't fend for themselves is just about the most idiotic thing I have ever heard a customer say.
6. Walked past me while looking for a man to "assist" him then came hollering that he can't find any help. Then, when I found him the correct oil filter and gas shut-off for his fuel line, kept saying how Sears charged him 5 dollars more for the air filter I had in stock...in disbelief. Don't buy a Craftsman, people. They don't stock the parts, and there's the trick. They ORDER them for you at a cost.
7. Have thrown random feed bags into aisle because (and I quote) "I couldn't put them in the cart"....????????? How does that help? Then, when I was nice and got a cart, loaded the feed, she spent 15-20 minutes in line arguing over the prices of this and that and oh, could someone load the stall mats she'd previously paid for but not picked up, and oh, how about 3 bags of pine shavings, too....and when I'd wiped my hands free of her because I can't load stall mats by myself, poor Dale had to stuff them into some car with all that feed and the shavings.
8. Been overly annoyed when I couldn't break a hundred dollar bill without handing them a ka-billion fives. Really people. Really. I told you all I had was fives. Maybe you should take that to heart. Sometimes, we just open a register and most of those times, all there are are FIVES! So, maybe, when you purchase an item that totals out to $2.98, you should look for one dollar bills in your wallet, or quarters, or something.
9. Haven't understood the difference between Scratch Grain and actual chicken feed. I think I had to explain that to six different people this week. It is NOT food...its busy-work for chickens!!! You will just have malnourished birds unless you let them free-range or feed them real food.
10. Have tried to feed straw instead of hay to a goat because we sell straw for cheaper than we sell the hay...then wondered why the goat "didn't seem to like it." Some people just shouldn't have animals.
And these are the ones I REMEMBER! I'm sure there were more. At least I was moderately entertained by most of these annoyances. On another note, I got a raise. I make 4 cents shy of $9 an hour. The Spurminator tried to make this sound like big money by calling it a 3% raise. Oh and I'm not enough of a "salesperson". Fuck that. I don't want to be. I'll help you, I'll be nicer than I have a right to be, considering what's going through my head, but I am not, and have never professed to be a sales person. I don't like playing "Let's Make a Deal." Fuck all you people. Why should you get a better deal than the next person simply because you're a cheapskate/slimeball? I am not a corporate Nazi, I don't want to lose my job because I know I won't find a better one, but I WILL NEVER buy into the CORPORATE ZOMBIE MINDSET they are foisting on us all.
1. Argued over whether or not the New Hudson location sells goat's milk soap. Adamantly, confidently and quite crankily. This man was seriously trying to pick a fight over soap. A presumably straight, bearded, man. It was difficult not to laugh in front of him over the absurdity of the situation and I had to call in a manager. He wouldn't take my word for it...then he argued with HER.
2. Lost a purse and somehow assumed I had seen anything. Customer called, said she wondered if anyone had found a purse in a cart, I said no, but that I would look. I found nothing. Took her information, name, phone number, posted a brief note on the register to call her if one is found...she showed up at the store arguing with me over whether or not I found it, what we would do with it if it were found (put it in the office safe, of course), if I had seen her with it, yes, I did. She had like 6 different checkbooks in there and was trying to figure out which account she wanted to pay her bill with...seemed weird, which is why I even remember her at all. She left kind of huffy. Called back, got the Poodle, asked if we had cameras and if they'd show anything...nope, sadly we don't qualify for cameras (imagine!) so we can all pick our asses and no one will ever see...
3. Asked me a million questions about stoves, while I was running the cash register, then when I paged someone on the floor to help them, didn't want to talk about stoves at all.
4. Have jumped out from behind the gun safes at others and gotten thrown out of the store.
5. Yelled at me that the Black Oil Sunflower seeds are too pricy (even though the Spurminator has them on some sort of perma-sale of $2 off the price the other stores are offering) and that he won't be buying any more and that the birds will have to just learn to go hungry!!!! Trying to guilt-trip me into thinking wild birds can't fend for themselves is just about the most idiotic thing I have ever heard a customer say.
6. Walked past me while looking for a man to "assist" him then came hollering that he can't find any help. Then, when I found him the correct oil filter and gas shut-off for his fuel line, kept saying how Sears charged him 5 dollars more for the air filter I had in stock...in disbelief. Don't buy a Craftsman, people. They don't stock the parts, and there's the trick. They ORDER them for you at a cost.
7. Have thrown random feed bags into aisle because (and I quote) "I couldn't put them in the cart"....????????? How does that help? Then, when I was nice and got a cart, loaded the feed, she spent 15-20 minutes in line arguing over the prices of this and that and oh, could someone load the stall mats she'd previously paid for but not picked up, and oh, how about 3 bags of pine shavings, too....and when I'd wiped my hands free of her because I can't load stall mats by myself, poor Dale had to stuff them into some car with all that feed and the shavings.
8. Been overly annoyed when I couldn't break a hundred dollar bill without handing them a ka-billion fives. Really people. Really. I told you all I had was fives. Maybe you should take that to heart. Sometimes, we just open a register and most of those times, all there are are FIVES! So, maybe, when you purchase an item that totals out to $2.98, you should look for one dollar bills in your wallet, or quarters, or something.
9. Haven't understood the difference between Scratch Grain and actual chicken feed. I think I had to explain that to six different people this week. It is NOT food...its busy-work for chickens!!! You will just have malnourished birds unless you let them free-range or feed them real food.
10. Have tried to feed straw instead of hay to a goat because we sell straw for cheaper than we sell the hay...then wondered why the goat "didn't seem to like it." Some people just shouldn't have animals.
And these are the ones I REMEMBER! I'm sure there were more. At least I was moderately entertained by most of these annoyances. On another note, I got a raise. I make 4 cents shy of $9 an hour. The Spurminator tried to make this sound like big money by calling it a 3% raise. Oh and I'm not enough of a "salesperson". Fuck that. I don't want to be. I'll help you, I'll be nicer than I have a right to be, considering what's going through my head, but I am not, and have never professed to be a sales person. I don't like playing "Let's Make a Deal." Fuck all you people. Why should you get a better deal than the next person simply because you're a cheapskate/slimeball? I am not a corporate Nazi, I don't want to lose my job because I know I won't find a better one, but I WILL NEVER buy into the CORPORATE ZOMBIE MINDSET they are foisting on us all.
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