This week I have learned I really, really dislike auctions/estate sales and the people who attend the sales. This is the second day of the sale at the house next door. Lots lighter on the people than the first day, of course; and the people are much less annoying.
A few tips on neighbor-house etiquette for those attending these sales:
1. Do NOT block driveways. This makes people who need to leave to go to work, attend a doctor's appointment, or come home from shopping very, very irritable. Also, the old lady across the street has a hard time walking; so if you block her driveway, I might just puncture a few of your tires just so you are also greatly inconvenienced.
2. Do NOT park directly across from said driveway when it is already surrounded by closely parked cars. Just HOW is one to dodge two cars on either side of a driveway and the one immediately behind when there is nowhere else to go? It was so bad at one point I wouldn't even have been able to drive on my lawn to get to the street. I imagine if I had run outside with my sledgehammer and started denting the offending cars I would have gotten some people to park elsewhere.
3. Don't stare in through my windows while you are snooping next door. You will catch me hanging up laundry in my other living room on the clothesline I installed there because we have decided not to fix the dryer. You will catch us walking around possibly naked because the clothes we need may be hanging from that clothesline. This will be more than you bargained for. This is MY house. If I want to be naked inside it, I will be. Anything you might not want to see is all your fault for looking into people's windows.
4. Don't give the residents attitude when asked to move the 20 foot Buick you used to block two thirds of their driveway. No one believes that you drove here in that boat and didn't realize it doesn't fit in a space that will only contain a compact car. We might just decide to whip out a penis and piss through those windows that are cracked for ventilation.
5. If you are a yuppie douche bag, leave the blue tooth, the natty khaki pants and all your douche-baggler attire behind. No one here is impressed by your wardrobe. In fact, most of us are quite annoyed with your "goon suit." Ties aren't even sturdy enough for you to hang yourself from, or I'd suggest you do so if you can't at least lose the blue tooth.
And my favorite reason not to annoy the residents: I saw a car fire on the freeway three nights ago. It was the most awesome thing I've seen in a long time. The whole front end of this shit box was entirely engulfed against the night. The fire department and the cops had just decided to let it burn because it was beyond stopping. It was a beautiful thing.
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