Children:The Untold Story

I hate children.

Dogs behave better than children.

Dogs value your opinion, children do not.

This leads me to believe that dogs are higher up on the evolutionary chain than children.

Perhaps if children were crate trained as most dogs are, they would rate higher on the evolutionary chain.

                                             What so-called "normal" people see.

                                                           I see Cthulhu.

Children love to scream, wail, and annoy.  Their lungs can rival an opera singers for pitch, range and octave. This is why the Victorians always stated that children should be seen but not heard. It's nothing a little duct tape and ingenuity wouldn't be able to mend.  But, for some reason, it isn't socially acceptable to tow children around with their mouths taped shut.

                                     Leashes, however, are becoming more acceptable.

I also think childhood obesity could be solved quite simply by encouraging a child's natural desire to chase and fetch.  I mean, why wouldn't you want your child trying to capture squirrels in the backyard?  The squirrel is going to escape 98 percent of the time...the child is going to learn some new tactics..and once in a while the child scores a meal.

                                              More nutritious than a Happy Meal.

Children could also be utilized as guard dogs, because, like dogs, they have superior hearing and like to bite.

                            Never get down on their level, its a mistake that could be fatal.