Nasty People

A man had the nerve to ask me, rather nastily, "Don't you have any Safe Choice?" (It's a type of horse feed, for those who don't know.)  So I obliged and went searching through the back room.  Yep, we had four whole bags.  Then, the man commenced to say "How come its two dollars cheaper at the feed store at my house? Why is TSC so expensive?"  He was in such a nasty temper that I replied that I didn't know and skittered as far away from his as possible.

What he didn't realize is that had he been nicer, I would have offered to price match the feed for him. I am sick of the biggest assholes getting everything they want.  He left empty-handed.  

The other day, a rather nasty woman was hollering "HELLLOOOO! HelllOOOOO!!! Does ANYBODY work here?" in the clearance section. Yes, of course, there were loads of people working that day.  I, of course, decided to just keep doing my job, which was to sort feed pallets and talk to my pal who was visiting the store and is also a paying customer.  I figured this nasty bitch could wait until I felt damn good and ready to deal with her bullshit. And Jessica ended up dealing with her lazy ass.

If I ran the store, the following would be enforced:

1. Longer wait times for the self-important:
The squeaky wheel, in this case, will NOT get the grease.  Be polite, wait your turn, remember that you are dealing with other human beings who, in all cases, aren't earning enough money to live on.  You are not the King of Fredsylvania where when you say "Jump," we ask "how high?"  In fact, the more you squeak, protest, sigh, roll your eyes, complain, and in general become nasty...you will....have a longer wait.  What do I care what you are late for? I get paid by the hour.  Perhaps you should have planned ahead and realized that doing things take actual time.

2.  Cell phone etiquette:
 If you, are in fact, insistent on using your cell phone whilst a cashier is trying to communicate with you, that cashier shall then pull his/her own cell phone out of a pocket, dial-a-friend, discuss the complexities of his/her life in absolute dirt-under-the-fingernails detail until you cease and desist with your call. Then the cashier will also hit the "end" button and concentrate on YOU.

3.  Returns:
The return policy will be simple and short. No returns without receipt. No returns after thirty days. No returns if the product has been obviously used and ruined by you. No returns without clothing tags. No exceptions.

4. No personal checks  accepted:
This holds up the line.  Even when I explain to you that you do NOT have to fill out the check AT ALL...I have to wait on you to fill out the motherfucking thing and balance your checkbook...what the hell?  And guess, what, all the people behind you also have to wait.  Checks work like debit cards. Get a debit card or use one.  There is no "float time" anymore.  Payment is immediate.  Even better, use cash.


5.  There will be a dollar deposit on carts.
Need a cart, leave a dollar, put the cart away, get your dollar back. It's amazing how much laziness can be avoided if a surcharge is involved.  We don't have cart racks and they shouldn't be necessary.

6. The bathroom shall remain locked until a key is requested.
If you leave the bathroom a mess, you shall be required to clean the poo off the wall, the toilet, and anything else your poo has come into contact with.  If you decide to pee and spin in a circle, you will be cleaning urine off every square inch of the bathroom. And, yes, I may delegate an employee to police the bathroom.

I may think of more later. But, for now, it is nearly 2 a.m. I am tired, still cranky from work and it is cold in my house because I am stubbornly refusing to turn the furnace back on...Detroit Edison and MichCon get too much of my money as it is.  And the paychecks are both short this time.  Yay, enslavement.