Adventures in Retail

Today was an adventure in customer service.

I thought the full moon was last week, while I was on vacation and I wouldn't have to deal with all the strange, wacky and just plain weirdos that seem to find their way into the store.  I didn't count on my own seemingly amazing natural ability to attract the bizarre, the weird and the strange.  My assistant manager says I am just one brilliant weirdo magnet.

So, once Courtney had gone home for the day; I ran into quite the cast of wild characters.

Enter Snake Man.  This would be a man, wearing a tee shirt with a snake on it AND a hat with a snake body printed on the cap bit with a SNAKE HEAD sticking up--NOT PRINTED--latex or some sort of rubber material that looked like one of those flesh-like dildos--sticking up off the hat bill!  I couldn't contain myself. I had to go outside where Jess was cleaning off the lawn tractors and bring her in the witness the "glory."  I really wanted to whip out a camera phone and snap a photo to post but didn't dare.  It may have cost me my job.

Then came Dog Food Lady.  She snagged one of the large feed carts--designed for 15-25 bags of feed--because she needed a large cart for dog food, or so she said. She arrived at the register with two bags of dog food in tow.  I like to imagine she bought a Ford Super Duty 350--because she needed to haul large loads--to carry home those same two bags of dog food which would easily fit--and much, much more than that in my two door Cobalt.

Continuing the stampede of weirdos was a phone call.  I answered the phone with the traditional Nazi spiel "Thank you for calling Tractor Supply, what are you looking for today?" He replied "Well, you aren't going to like what I'm looking for." "Oh. Well, what is it?" I asked apprehensively, wondering if this was an obscene phone call despite my total recognition of the voice.  "Well," he said, "I'm looking for my .38 pistol.  It was in my vest while I was getting hay loaded into my truck. I hate to think that someone took it out of my vest."  I personally, with Cheryl, the receiver had loaded this guy. There was no gun involved, anywhere.  I wouldn't have touched him for a hundred dollar bill.  He's 70 years old, grumpy, a pain in the butt, and I had asked Cheryl to help me load him in case he gave us any trouble. He didn't. Until the phone call.   I sent the assistant manager out back and into the storage building to look for the gun. Her first reaction was "Well, I hope he knows if I find it, I have to alert the cops."  Luckily, no gun.

Then, another phone call.  A woman, this time,  looking for a water trough.  I asked her if she wanted metal or plastic. She didn't seem to care.  I asked her how many gallons of water she wanted it to hold, and this seemed to stun her.  Then she replied that she actually wanted it to plant flowers in.  I replied that we have such a thing as flower pots. Oh, no, she wanted a water trough and asked what the price ranges were. I told her $70 plus, all the way up to $140, depending on the quality, the material, and the number of gallons of water the troughs are capable of holding.   Wow, she said, that's a lot of money--I found one at a garage sale once for $5.  I think people mistakenly believe that if a farmer needs to buy something for his animals, that its inexpensive...ah, its actually the other way around. The things you NEED are the most expensive.

Tomorrow, as the story goes, is another day. Oh, hell, what's next?