My hormones talk, I think

  It doesn't often happen, but I am puzzled as to what course of action I should take.

    My check engine light continues to stay on, sigh, and I should have it checked out.  However, this is the pay period with the big bills and not much money left over so I don't know what to do if the guys are all like, uh, you need a HUGE EXPENSIVE THINGY!!!!  Besides the "hey, you still need a new timing chain" yeah, I know...its like over a thousand dollars that I find impossible to save but not for lack of trying. We need so many things. 
   
      Jon literally has two pairs of underwear and I have one pair of pants.  While I do tend to buy clothes at places like the Salvation Army I am increasingly disgusted by the number of Cadillac and Lexus owners who apparently buy everything worth taking that might be of use to someone with less money.  I think they should request to view pay stubs before allowing admittance. Sorry, if you can drive a Lexus and still manage to eat and make house payments, then you don't need to shop there.
   
     So I suppose I should bite the bullet and ask to borrow money from my parents, which I really really don't want to do.  I'm an adult, and I don't want to run crying to Mom because I can't cough up 1200 bucks to maintain my car, but looks like I'm going to have to do just that.  In the summer, this wouldn't  be as much of an issue, but of course, I saw damned snowflakes today and that means the furnace must eat gas. 
  
      Also I want Jon to have a Jeep.  Yes, I do.  I am tired of running his butt around and the extra mileage on my car. It won't save any gas but I will be a happier me and Jon will be a happier he.  He is tired of relying on a combination of me and his parents to get him to and from work because of car sharing.  I thought he wanted to sell his old Fender on Ebay to help with this but he says he worries that if he does that, then he has nothing really valuable left to sell if we get in a bad spot.  So, who knows?  It's his and therefore, it is up to him.  And its not bad logic.  He'd have would have had to sell it if he hadn't gotten hired at Burger King by now.
   
     Maybe TSC will spit out the tax forms early this coming January. That'd be nice.  That $1000 was really handy last spring what with car insurance being due and Jon not working. Of course we file jointly now and I have no idea when Jon would get his form.
  
       Jon is having small panic attacks daily.  His district manager is working all shifts for two weeks.  This is day three.  He is soooo worried about getting fired that I don't even know what that would do to his mental health at this point.  He says the best thing about working is not sitting around wondering what he's going to do all day and how we are going to eat...but the worst thing is the fear that that could be taken away.  And, of course, he tells me corporate is coming in tomorrow to fix something and if  you look at them funny or do something wrong, you're history.  I tend to think he's over reacting, but I've never worked at a job in fast food so I can't argue effectively.  So we shall see how all of this goes.
   
     Thanksgiving is next week. How....odd.  I don't feel like a holiday is imminent.  I have no plans. I imagine I shall wait for Jon to get home from work. He still doesn't have a schedule for next week.
     
     Hmmm....someone is outside...probably looking for Jon, who is at work. Yep. Dave.  While I like most of Jon's friends, sometimes I get tired of seeing them.  Oh, its not that they are rude or refuse to leave, nothing like that, but could we just have a day when Dave, Levon, or Shane can just pretend we don't exist?  I'm sure we actually do have those days, once or twice a week...seems like it should be more often. I dunno...maybe since I am rarely at home I value my time there more highly than I should.  Or, well, I don't mind as much if I am drinking, because I rarely have much to say to any of these fellows because they are playing Magic, mostly, or jabbering relentlessly about Call of Duty and frankly I am bored...and if its a subject on which I am not bored, then I apparently have such odd points of view (especially concerning religion)  that I can too easily offend. I am blunt but I have never insulted anyone's religion.  I have friends of many religions so I don't understand why talking about this subject should be taboo.  To me, its like saying "I like nachos."  and then someone disagreeing and saying "I don't like nachos."  And yet another person saying, "Nachos are good with green pepper...."  Meh, I guess I'm weird.

     I am rambling. I am sure this is PMS, but as always, unless it hits me in the head, I don't really know.  I am restless and emotional for no particular reason.  I want vodka and Pepsi...yes, in that order.  It is winter and I become a seasonal drinker.  I drink to be warm and to combat stress from horrible holiday shoppers.  No, I don't mix the two, I sort of do something awful and chug the vodka directly from the bottle then chase it with a sip of Pepsi...Jon used to shake his head at me and say this was so horrible and that I was going to become an alcoholic, this was years ago. Now, he says, hell, if the bills are all paid and we have food and gas, go ahead and buy the vodka!  I think he realizes that I really do limit myself even if it doesn't seem like I do. I rarely am hungover despite drinking a fifth in three days.  I would be too whiny at work if I were hungover.

The game of life

    The children of my neighbor who died are going to sell his house. Yep.  I know this because a concrete leveling crew has been outside all morning working on his driveway.  I am not happy about this; I was quite fond of the nice old man who knew everyone else's business while appearing, at least, to mind  his own.  He never once called the cops on us for illegal bonfires or general rowdiness, or because the dogs were barking.  So this is not good news. We could get saddled with some real stinkers  such as people with horribly annoying children, in which case, the backyard will be totally dead to me.  Which is sad because I like being outside.  On the bright side, maybe they won't be able to sell it.  But there is no way I can get out of my mortgage since we have too many broken things to fix ourselves and little capital.
     I am off work for three whole days.  What shall I do? No idea.  I think I am going to saunter outside in a bit and work on my leaves. They are mostly all down now.  I haven't had time to deal with them.  So I think I shall chew them all up into mulch.  My neighbors all do that "town thing" where they rake the leaves, then laboriously shove them into giant paper bags, then let them sit until trash day for the guys in the landscape trash truck to pick up and hope that it doesn't rain and turn the bags into mush.  I did that one year. Never EVER again.  What a mess, and what a lot of work.  So much easier to mulch the leaves up then use them as compost.
   Jon has the car, so no excitement there, as he has to work two of the days I am off.  And Ruth went to visit her family, which is awesome for her.  I kind of wish I could have tagged along, but then again, I am not privy to the arrangements and don't want to be an inconvenience. I would, however, like to go to the UP with Ruth someday.  So I shall see Ruth probably on Tuesday when Jon is always scheduled to work 2 hours before I am so I use Ruth's house as a kind of crash pad and we visit, which is soooooo nice.
    I got paid so I bought doggie vittles and kitty/bunny litter and booze.  Yep. A whole fifth of blueberry vodka just for me.  I drank a bit last night. Winter and crazy holiday customers always set me to drinking.  I hate being cold and I also hate feeling annoyed.  Booze helps. Now if we only could take to sipping from flasks at work, I wouldn't feel like I should bash customers in the head with the ITEM OF THE MONTH....ugh.  No wonder those ucky shopping mall Santas always seem to smell of whiskey.  If I got peed on, kicked, drooled on, screamed at and etc. by people's brat kids, I'd drink heavily allllll day long.  Brat kids are an epidemic in this nation. My parents NEVER let me act like the average kid today.  Scream in a store?  NEVER!!!!  That just meant you left the store and went home and no more fun.
    Dogs are still itchy from fleas.  I bought the drops and all animals (except bunny who doesn't seem particularly susceptible to fleas) are treated and I thoroughly vacuumed/washed things and even put salt under the bed, on the dog beds, and on the couches and such but new fleas are hatching. How do I know they are new fleas, you ask? They are ever so much tinier than their predecessors.  So I guess I am making some progress, its just slow.  So I imagine another vacuum,wash and salt day is in my future.
    My Aunt Nita invited me to Turkey Day at her place.  Man, I really would love to go. I hate retail.  I HAVE to work Black Friday, no exceptions.  Wouldn't be so much of an issue if I didn't live 5 hours away. Five hours doesn't sound like much until you pile into a car for 5 hours, eat dinner, then pile into a car for another five hours then go to work.  Plus, I imagine Jon will be working. Maybe we can arrange something with Ruth and Joe again.   I have it easy though, Ruth drives something like 12 hours to see her family...one way. 
    I should get dressed. I have been lounging in pajamas for three hours or so now.  Stupid sinus headache woke me up early.  House is a shambles as well...amazing how dirty it gets when we're only home to sleep and leave again.  It's Jon's turn to do the dishes, which means, of course, they are ALL dirty.  I  like to do them more often when there are less of them.  He likes to let them pile so it takes an hour or more.  Oh well, I'm not doing them.