Shane the Persistent

My husband's friend Shane apparently is "resetting" his sleep pattern again; something he does every few weeks for no good reason I can think of because he works at a bar, so he goes to work at 10 pm and regularly gets home between 3 and 4 am, so that's just his sleep schedule, there is no reason to bother with resetting his pattern as far as I can tell.  So, this morning, Jon receives a long phone call that Shane is hungry, doesn't want to eat alone, and is craving a "bar burger."

Of course, although I don't practice the mad, national holiday of the Super Bowl, that's the annoying event that is going on, so the last place anyone who doesn't worship this stupid, ass-patting sport would ever want to go...is...a bar.   So Shane tries his best to get Jon, who also hates this sport, to go to a bar and get a bar burger with him, fails, and yet, keeps persisting and calling back. Jon, predictably, turns off his phone.

Jon eventually turns his phone back on, and gets all these text messages from, of course, Shane, that apparently no one he knows wants to go to the bar and get a bar burger. Poor Shane.  He's actually convinced Angus beef is the best because the advertising agencies tell him so. Good beef is good beef, the species of cow matters little, actually...what matters more is what that cow eats and if it is a healthy cow.  My uncle's Jersey cows taste phenomenal, but then, they eat mainly pasture, have no hormones injected into them and are processed locally. 

So, Jon, for reasons I will never understand, calls Shane and listens to more whining.  Subway sounds good to me, Shane is still set on a bar burger, and Jon wants Wendy's.  So, somehow, between all the whining about Shane not wanting to go further than a mile for his food (weird city people), Jon says he'll pick him up and they'll "go places."

At this point I am annoyed at Shane because he's so whiny.  I refuse to go along, which was the original plan.  So, Jon has dutifully promised to bring me a sub from Subway, then he and Shane will eat Wendy's or whatever the hell they've decided on, and then Jon is going to "Shane-nap" Shane and force him to come over to our house.  He, for some reason, is annoyed because we won't let him smoke cigarettes in our house and has to go outside to smoke.  I say, smoke less, it's better for you and you won't waste as much money.  Apparently Jon says his offer to go get Shane is his way of annoying Shane back by forcing him to do what Jon wants instead of what Shane wants.

As for the rest of the story, I am sure I will have to listen to grown men playing "Magic"  but then again, I won't have to deal with sitting in Shane's basement wonderland of boring.  You'd think the man would want some fresh air and sunlight, but, no, he seems to think he's the Crypt Keeper or something.  I will never understand Basement Dwelling City Boys.