After Holiday Blog

So, having been absent for most of the holidays, I'm back to tell you all, whomever you may be, how it went.

At work it went like this:

         Random Customer:  I need a pair of insulated Carhartt bibs size 34X34.
         Me:  Okay. Well, the selection on the rack is what is available as Carhartt goes into production in the spring and we are all out of that size. I can possibly check another store for you, however, that is a popular size and the odds are low. It is also too late to order them from Carhartt directly; so even if they ARE in stock and available, they will not get here by Christmas.  And if I DO find them at another store it is too late for them to ship UPS so that you could get them by Christmas so if I find a pair you will have to drive there yourself.
         Random Customer (sounding hopeful): Okay, let's check another store. I don't care what color. I just NEED that size.
         Me: Okay. (Checking other store's inventories on the computer, calling several stores.)  Sadly, no one has that size.  I'm sorry to disappoint, but that's just the way it is.  (Thinking to myself, ESPECIALLY when you WAIT  until the week BEFORE Christmas.) 
         Random Customer (now, clearly disappointed and even crestfallen):  Shit. (Customer then goes to rack, picks up clearly INCORRECT size, walks to cash register and asks:  If these are the wrong size, can they be exchanged?

Yeah, that is exactly how it went.

At home it went like this:

         Jon:  It's Christmas Eve. My aunt is having a family party.  Do you want to go?
         Me:  I'm really tired. I just worked all day with unreasonable  customers. I'm grouchy and I don't think I'd be very good company; so why don't you go and I'll stay here?

          Hours later--
          Jon: Can you come and get me? I'm too drunk to drive.
          Me: I'd be glad to except your aunt moved in the spring and I don't know where she lives now.
          Jon: Oh, that's not good (drunkenly)  I'll call my dad. (Hangs up phone before he thinks to tell me cross streets because he IS SOOOOOO wasted.

          Twenty or so minutes later--
          Door opens. I am on the toilet.
          Jon staggers into the bathroom:  Hey. I had a good time.
          Me: Uh, yeah, could you go away?  I for some reason have an upset stomach and would like to use the toilet in peace.
          Jon:  I saw people I haven't seen in years.
          Me: I'm POOPING GO AWAY!!!!!
          Jon: Oh, Okay.  (staggers out of the bathroom and into the living room, falls to floor, falls sound asleep in seconds)
          I finish my bathroom visit, come out, realize he's NOT wearing a shirt anymore. Oh, hell, this is going to be bad.  Ask where his shirt is, he doesn't know. Ask where his keys are, has no clue. Ask where his Jeep is, he says its at the end of the street. Ummm???? Oh, hells, he REALLY DIDN'T drive did he?  No.  I ask again. End of his AUNT'S STREET.
            I chuck a blanket at him and leave him for dead.
        
            Christmas Day--
           I wake up, realize Jon has since migrated from the floor to the bed. Go sit on the couch, play on the interwebs, bitch to my best friend about him, because I KNOW today is ruined.  Ruined!    Jon becomes conscious at 9 am; is STILL drunk, STAGGERS to the bathroom and vomits. And vomits. Annnnddd....vomits. 
              For hours.
              Eventually, I express my extreme displeasure over this behavior because someone who is almost 30 got this drunk and ruined our plans to go eat Christmas dinner at the Indian resturant we frequent.  And, eventually, we go pick up his Jeep. Jon learns he was lying outside his aunt's house on the porch shirtless puking because he was super drunk.  And that she told his cousins to pull him inside. They did. He continued to lie near the door so he could puke OUT it.  And that his dad had to pick him UP and throw his ass in the van. A feat I didn't think his father was capable of. But apparently is. Jon is a BIG GUY.   Jon goes and gets take out Indian for me in way of an apology, and all is well. 

           New Years Eve--
           Nothing remarkable happens. Jon has caught a bad cold or flu because the super drunk has ruined his immune system  We both fall asleep before midnight.  I wake up at the sound of the neighborhood exploding as idiots everywhere light off fireworks in a neighborhood...Jon snores. The dog, shaking from the noise, comes to cuddle in bed.  I go back to sleep.

And that, is that.