The Freak Out Portion of my Life

I am tired of the following cycle:

Have period.
Live life.
Spot randomly.
Period is late.
Freak out because period is late.

I am currently in the freak out portion of my life.  Again.

Not because I am irresponsible.  Just because nothing is 100 percent and I don't go to the doctor.  I can't.  I also can't afford a baby or an abortion. Or health insurance or a doctor.

Why couldn't my idiot ob/gyn in the days when I had insurance just have agreed to let me have that hysterectomy I so badly wanted?

Not everyone wants kids.  When will American medicine recognize this?  My body, my life. I am not a soldier-making machine for this country...which I believe is what the underlying issue toward women in this country being in control of their own bodies.

So I get to spend days and days and days of my life which adds up over the years to an abominable amount of my life, most likely, freaking out wondering what to do if I am indeed infested with a parasite that I don't want or need.