As a kid and teenager, and even in my early 20's, I put a lot of effort into showing up at holiday gatherings to appease the grandparents. Well, just one set of grandparents, really. The maternal grandparents I basically felt no attachment towards. Still don't. So, I'd go be bored and hang out with all the people I had nothing but blood in common with just because Grandma and Grandpa would like it. Once the "main event" such as egg hunting or opening presents or, even, eating was over there was just nothing to do. Even the eating part was usually a flop. (I'm not particularly fond of ham, turkey or mashed potatoes and gravy. Plus my Grandma was into her kooky cooking phase and what should usually be benign foods such as spaghetti, might turn out to be noodles layered in ketchup because Grandma didn't want to run to the store for spaghetti sauce and ketchup and spaghetti sauce are both--get this--made from tomatoes--so therefore are the SAME! She also had the same belief about pizza sauce.) So I'd just feel like I'd wasted my time and hung out with my cousins who were 10-15 years older than me and with which I still can't relate.
My grandparents wanted their little family to be nice and close. I can't blame them. They only had two kids...who fought like cats and dogs despite being 4 years apart in age...and who weren't particularly close at all until Grandma was really really ill and now, I believe that both their parents are dead, they are closer than they ever have been. My Aunt and my Dad have and always have had different lifestyles. This just made for stilted, strange, uncomfortable holidays.
My maternal grandparents apparently had at it like rabbits and bore a HUGE family--9 kids who all had kids--some of them several--so that we barely all fit in the same house at gatherings which made for claustrophobia and nervousness in yours truly. Lots of us were all close in age...and liked to play rowdy tackling games which, made my Grandfather yell at the top of his lungs at us to shut the hell up. Yep. He definitely still has quite a way with words. He's the only one of my grandparents who are still alive. They say the good die young, and, in this case, I'd have to say that would seem correct.
At least I had rowdy cousins on that side of the family and we could go get into trouble doing things like playing in the creek, and accidentally stepping in cow shit, or letting too many "GOD DAMN FLIES IN THE HOUSE!" (Yes, my Grandfather. It didn't seem to matter that there was a barn cat on the table eating the butter that someone was too lazy to cover, but GOD DAMN FLIES IN THE HOUSE was an issue.)
I get a card from my mom every holiday that says: Happy Easter, Merry Christmas, Happy Thanksgiving" She's very reliable with the card-sending. I love that, actually. No one else does that. Just Mom. But, at the same time, I am reminded that a holiday is approaching and I really wonder if I am going to be suckered into participating yet again.
The very best holidays are:
1. The Christmas I spent with no electric for ten days due to a huge ass ice storm. Yep. We were HAPPY to be eating ramen noodles with water heated up using the wood burner in the basement. And I was fucking happy to get warm after spending 5 hours in a barn with cows but the temperature outside was -20 all week, so cold even the cow shit and piss was frozen solid everywhere. And absolutely NO ONE was worried about presents, or holiday meals or cleaning for guests. We were too busy carrying firewood, and hauling water from a my uncle's farm because he had a generator and our well didn't make water without electricity to pump it to the house.
2. The Christmas I moved to Michigan. No stove, no fridge. No food. (We'd moved only 7 days before Christmas. My dad was so angry with me for moving that even though I knew my grandma would have wanted me to, I didn't take any of the appliances in the trailer that had been hers--which is where I was living--except the dryer I'd bought used for $50 from an old ASM.) We foraged for food at a CVS and ate microwave pizza rolls. Nothing was open. But, lucky for us, old people need medicine. I was too overwhelmed by the move to spend time with Jon's family--or--with strangers. I now worked with strangers, and lived in a place where I didn't understand anyone's modus operandi. But, it was fun being uncomplicated.
3. Do-Over Holidays spent with friends. Everyone contributes, there is nice food, and good conversation with close friends. Do-Over Thanksgiving was the shit last fall. Also because Real Thanksgiving, spent with Jon's weird family was miserable with a capital M. I like his immediate family well enough. It was all the weird cousins and what not...and their prying, why don't you and Jonny have kids crap that really pissed me off. I basically convinced one of his cousins that yes, I AM SATAN and EAT BABIES for breakfast. Something like that. She really pissed me off so I just continuously exaggerated my real feelings until she became uncomfortable enough to alert Jon of my feelings, as if he didn't already know. He actually thought it was pretty funny that I was messing with her.
I guess I'm a non-traditional non-conformist. I like things to be simple and mostly a lot weird. Things don't have to fit into a perfect holiday mold, in fact, when it does, I have a lousy time. If Grandma would have accidentally farted during the prayer or something during all those long ago holidays, things would have been a whole lot more enjoyable. (The prayer is always a horrible measure of discomfort. Like, um, why are we praying? Why does your head need to be bowed and your eyes closed? Does God only want you to say thanks for holiday meals? And, how do you know he's not totally bored of all those forced holiday prayers that loads of people are saying simultaneously? There were always lots of questions like that in my little mind. Still are. If I can't get an answer that makes sense, then it must be stupid. Especially if the answer consists of "BECAUSE!" or "IT JUST WORKS THAT WAY!"
Do I miss my Grandma and Grandpa D. Yes. Do I miss "Holiday Grandma and Grandpa D", not really. Grandma loved to take inappropriate photos. Constantly. She didn't do that if it wasn't a holiday or a birthday. There are thousands of photos out there with various random body parts of my relatives. Grandma was a shutterbug, but her aim was terrible. Lots of headless relatives. Lots of so and so's ass while hunting Easter eggs. That sort of things. This really must have disappointed her when she got the film back. Before she "modernized" in the early 90's, she was still using some old late 70's early 80's camera that used flash cubes.
I actually think she had this particular camera:
So, after much rambling, I don't think I shall be sad if there is no one around to remind me that "It's Easter/Christmas/Thanksgiving/President's Day...I think I'll just stick to remembering all the other, way more important days. Like when Grandma farted accidentally when sneezing. (To her, bodily functions were the absolute height of embarrassment, so this was always an event for me as a kid, who was, as kids are, fascinated by fart noises.)
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