Somehow I've managed to avoid our District Manager for the last month or so. I don't know whether I have luck, or my pal John (ASM, borrowed, since we are still manager-less) to thank for this.
(We are not, in fact manager-less, he is just hiding at some other store for the time being...like a parasite...and I'm sure he is one or the Plastic Man wouldn't have chosen him. I have a few choice words for the Parasite if he ever surfaces over the two weeks out schedule. Such as: You've never met me, why are you DEMANDING I work at 6 am inventory day? I could be a lousy employee. You're relying on word of mouth that could be substantially mistaken. But, then, I forget, parasites are notably unintelligent, they just take what they want. And so, that ENTIRE week except for ONE day I am getting up at the ass crack and, on some days, dealing with rush hour. I hate you already, Parasite. At least I got Lorien to make all the early days sequential because, yes, I was being difficult.)
I have, however, been thinking up things I would like to ask the Plastic Man if I do have the unfortunate luck to run into him in the near future. He likes to march up to me, shake my hand, (every time I see him...he shakes my hand like we've never met before), and ask mildly retarded questions, such as "What's new?"
As if I'd tell him anything about my personal life. I always reply with an uninterested, "Nothing." And try to get the hell away from him as fast as possible. Mostly because I can almost feel the slime oozing from him and I don't want to taint myself with it.
I'm thinking that for every idiotic question he asks me, I'll ask him one without replying to his original question.
Foremost on my list is:
How does it feel to be peacefully assimilated into the Borg?
The company has made it quite clear that we, underlings are not allowed to have an opinion. I'm pretty certain that even DMs are not allowed to have an opinion...they are drones who carry out orders.
Are the clothing buyers crack addicts?
There is not one item of clothing on the ladies' clothing racks I would buy. Even on clearance, we are swamped with ugliness. The quality is terrible, the fit is awful, and the colors/prints are fit only for the elderly and eight year old girls.
Are you aware that all the stores are lying to you about the amount of time it takes to work the freight?
The new freight handling policy is a time consuming mess. No one likes it. It takes an extra day for merchandise to hit the floor. This is not a better system. Go back to night freight. Workers will be happier, customers will be happier.
If store personnel is required to expend so much energy on becoming more efficient, why does this not apply to the Distribution Center?
Gee, I don't know, packing things by department would be a much more efficient process than having us dig through the freight, sort it, then put it on the shelf. There are 8 year olds who could figure out that whips, halters, and fly spray go on a pallet headed for the equine department instead of packed away and mixed in a pallet with mower belts, trailer axles, and bearings.
Why do our adverts suck?
Clearly, they do. No one is buying what we are selling unless they need it.
Why are 1 in 3 of my current co-workers, including me, trying to find a feasible way to quit?
Long term hires. Not college or high school kids. Me, 5 years, Jason, 4 years, Courtney, 2 years, the Princess, 5 years, Lorien, 5 years, Amber K, 2 years. Because we are expendable and expected to put up with a great deal of bullshit for no money, that's why. Of course we don't care if we can't sell the stupid replacement or service plans. NONE of us buy them because we don't have the extra "x" dollars to spend either. Way, way back in the long, long ago before the company became so full of itself, we'd get an occasional "Good Job Meal." Which is where the store would buy everyone food for doing a lot of hard work on an especially brutal freight night or some such. No longer.
And, if I do feel like answering the Plastic Man's smarmy, "What's new?" I may answer like this, "Employee number 00317816 has nothing to report." And I may, if I still have this horrible flu/cold bug, sneeze into my hand and offer it up for him to shake.
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