Mixed Nuts

This week customers have
 
1. Argued over whether or not the New Hudson location sells goat's milk soap. Adamantly, confidently and quite crankily.  This man was seriously trying to pick a fight over soap. A presumably straight, bearded, man.  It was difficult not to laugh in front of him over the absurdity of the situation and I had to call in a manager. He wouldn't take my word for it...then he argued with HER.

2.  Lost a purse and somehow assumed I had seen anything.  Customer called, said she wondered if anyone had found a purse in a cart, I said no, but that I would look. I found nothing. Took her information, name, phone  number, posted a brief note on the register to call her if one is found...she showed up at the store arguing with me over whether or not I found it, what we would do with it if it were found (put it in the office safe, of course), if I had seen her with it,  yes, I did. She had like 6 different checkbooks in there and was trying to figure out which account she wanted to pay her bill with...seemed weird, which is why I even remember her at all.  She left kind of huffy.  Called back, got the Poodle, asked if we had cameras and if they'd show anything...nope, sadly we don't qualify for cameras (imagine!)  so we can all pick our asses and no one will ever see...


3.  Asked me a million questions about stoves, while I was running the cash register, then when I paged someone on the floor to help them, didn't want to talk about stoves at all.


4.  Have jumped out from behind the gun safes at others and gotten thrown out of the store.

5.  Yelled at me that the Black Oil Sunflower seeds are too pricy (even though the Spurminator has them on some sort of perma-sale of $2 off the price the other stores are offering) and that he won't be buying any more and that the birds will have to just learn to go hungry!!!! Trying to guilt-trip me into thinking wild birds can't fend for themselves is just about the most idiotic thing I have ever heard a customer say.

6.  Walked past me while looking for a man to "assist" him then came hollering that he can't find any help.  Then, when I found him the correct oil filter and gas shut-off for his fuel line, kept saying how Sears charged him 5 dollars more for the air filter I had in stock...in disbelief. Don't buy a Craftsman, people. They don't stock the parts, and there's the trick.  They ORDER them for you at a cost.

7.  Have thrown random feed bags into aisle because (and I quote) "I couldn't put them in the cart"....?????????  How does that help?   Then, when I was nice and got a cart, loaded the feed, she spent 15-20 minutes in line arguing over the prices of this and that and oh, could someone load the stall mats she'd previously paid for but not picked up, and oh, how about 3 bags of pine shavings, too....and when I'd wiped my hands free of her because I can't load stall mats by myself, poor Dale had to stuff them into some car with all that feed and the shavings.

8.  Been overly annoyed when I couldn't break a hundred dollar bill without handing them a ka-billion fives.  Really people. Really.  I told you all I had was fives.  Maybe you should take that to heart.  Sometimes, we just open a register and most of those times, all there are are FIVES!  So, maybe, when you purchase an item that totals out to $2.98, you should look for one dollar bills in your wallet, or quarters, or something.

9.  Haven't understood the difference between Scratch Grain and actual chicken feed.  I think I had to explain that to six different people this week. It is NOT food...its busy-work for chickens!!!  You will just have malnourished birds unless you let them free-range or feed them real food.

 
10.  Have tried to feed straw instead of hay to a goat because we sell straw for cheaper than we sell the hay...then wondered why the goat "didn't seem to like it."  Some people just shouldn't have animals.


    And these are the ones I REMEMBER!  I'm sure there were more.  At least  I was moderately entertained by most of these annoyances.  On another note, I got a raise. I make 4 cents shy of $9 an hour. The Spurminator tried to make this sound like big money by calling it a 3% raise.  Oh and I'm not enough of a "salesperson".  Fuck that. I don't want to be.  I'll help you, I'll be nicer than I have a right to be, considering what's going through my head, but I am not, and have never professed to be a sales person. I don't like playing "Let's Make  a Deal." Fuck all you people.  Why should you get a better deal than the next person simply because you're a cheapskate/slimeball?  I am not a corporate Nazi, I don't want to lose my  job because I know I won't find a better one, but I WILL NEVER buy into the CORPORATE ZOMBIE MINDSET they are foisting on us all.