Is It Spring Yet?

Since I have been leading a quite uneventful life lately, which is good, because once I get bored, I'm sure the laws of physics will plot against me and do something horrible like send a flying monkey directly into the path of my windshield while I am on the freeway, I suppose I should post something.  So, here it goes.

I have developed a special kind of hatred for my assistant store manager of five months.  After I have answered the very same question six times a day with "I don't know, I haven't been trained to be an assistant store manager because that duty is of an importance above my pay grade and responsibility."  I just want to squish him with the forklift.  Not that I couldn't be an assistant store manager, or that I don't deserve to be one, just that after five months I'd have been stalking the manager for information on my job.  This guy seems to just not care that he makes the big bucks.  I'd like to make the big bucks.

My freight truck was a no show this week. Turns out the driver drove to New Haven instead of New Hudson, and since that store has no receiver, some goon unloaded the truck without reading the manifest and next week I am going to have one hell of a mess to clean up since they stocked all the dog food that was supposed to be sent to our store before they noticed a mistake was made.  I'm glad I am not in that guy's shoes since the District Manager was asking for him personally this morning.

We actually have a working, though, hardly new, oven.  It will probably outlive me.  We made nachos and gluten free corn bread and chocolate cake.  Jon even liked the gluten free stuff.  Surprising, since he is usually really negative about it being "different."  It's not that different and I really think he'd feel better if he'd try going gluten free. He has so many allergies, I wouldn't be surprised if gluten was one.

I am still a bottle blonde even though it is an amazing amount of work.  I still am tempering the yellow with a mix of conditioner and purple dye.  It washes out and I have to redo it every week but it keeps the weird, neon yellow away.

Jon has been referring to his gigantic goldfish as "The Gold Shark."  I don't know why, but it cracks me up.

The freeway most convenient to me is now closed until October and the construction crews work 24 hours a day to accomplish this massive amount of work.  It is currently stripped down to dirt, some bridges are missing, and there are two concrete crushing, manufacturing plants stuck smack in the middle of where we all used to drive.  Just wish the overflow from the freeway didn't spill out onto roads not designed to handle it. 

We also have a washing machine hanging out in our living room as we wait for the other one to finish dying.  It started making a  SQUEEEEE and then I washed something really really muddy and the mud must have gotten into the bearing and the SQUEEEEE stopped for a while. Now, it is making a weird grinding noise so I assume its death is imminent. 

It is nearly May and the grass is beginning to turn green.  It has been such an awful winter. I can't wait to turn the furnace off.  I even see a few leaves sprouting on some trees. Not mine, though, mine are always last to leaf and last to drop.

I have been watching Mad Men and wishing alcohol was still acceptable in the workplace. 

My father in law bought me a lucky bamboo plant.  Hmmm...maybe it will be lucky and survive my black thumb.  Or maybe it will help change my usual bad luck.  Remains to be seen.

And, that is that for now.

tired of my dreams

Having one of our friends doing dumb things as late has prompted some heated discussions about bad trips.  My argument being, my dreams are so disturbing, why would I want to be out of my head?

I think I'd go even more insane which is why I refuse to be my usual impartial self and look at the other side that is that it could be good psychologically once in a while to gain perspective.

For example, last night, like most every night, I dreamed about strangers and places I have never been.  Strange women wearing corsets, dresses, lace, and ribbons.  One of them was the daughter of a doctor.  She'd been stealing medication to self medicate.  Her skin turned really brackish green as though she were decaying already, and her mind was a mess.  So she broke a water glass and slashed her wrists with the shards.  The other woman, of an age with her, found her all drenched in blood on a bloody mattress, and got her some actual help, stopped the bleeding, washed her skin, dressed her in stark white dressing gown and said, "Why'd you reach for the glass again?"  She also called her by name but I can't remember it now.

My dreams are generally bloody, violent, quite disturbing and have been since I was small. I really wish it was different.  My husband is constantly asking if I am okay when I wake up from one of these.  I basically just snuggle close and cuddle because it disturbs me.

I have often wondered if I dream things that have happened in the past.  No way to prove this.

A few times I have dreamed future events.  I dreamed of my in-laws' house before I ever stepped foot there.  Once I did go there, it was odd and quite almost exactly as the dream.

But, back to the original bit at the beginning, why would I want to see where else my mind would go?

purple silver hair

So I got kind of a wild hare and put some Manic Panic Ultra Violet highly diluted with my regular conditioner on my hair to get rid of that brassy yellow it was heading (oh, and because I wanted to not so secretly dye it purple) and it made purple streaks amid silvery hair which I quite liked.

THIS HAPPENED:

So today, probably due to resentment from the work dress code that says no unnaturally dyed hair and due to the fact I have purple dye and due to the fact I have been drinking rum;  I decided to do it again.

OOPS: (well, that is what I'll say if it comes up at work)  I realize it will fade and I'd go for more purple...but it's still at the could have been an accident stage so I won't just now.

Also I get to look like a dolt (and that's always fun) because I just now lack the patience to retake the photo. Yes, I dyed my brows and I'm wearing NO makeup in this photo and am in the first.  Also the lighting is drastically different, but I like that purple...and silver.


I hope my hair goes this pretty silver in about 20 years...but, if not, I now know how to acquire it artificially.

Also I feel that my boss lacks the balls to fire me over this since I am competent and he so far lacks the balls to get rid of an incompetent ASM.  Or to even say anything to aforementioned ASM.

I can always wear a hat to cover my offensive locks.  One of my coworkers has visible tattoos and another has loads of extra piercings so why should I be singled out?  Those things are also against corporate dress code.

Random Animal Coveting Post

Animal species I'd someday like to add to my own personal zoo:

                                                                        BATS

                                                   ONE OF MY FAVORITES, SKUNKS


And, since copy and pasting on a kindle is an enormous amount of work; as is typing, that is all for now.  But bats, yes, bats.....

Jon says "No bats for you."  But I can properly train him.  Time is on my side.

First Day of March!

I have sunk to new lows to amuse myself this boring winter.  It is the end of February, and having been cooped up indoors for nearly two solid months has likely made me more insane than usual.

Our street is currently about 6 inches of packed ice. I have been amusing myself actually watching stupid people who were driving too quickly get themselves out of the predicaments they themselves caused. It goes a little like this: 

              Drive really fast on ice

              Fishtail into a frozen two to three foot pile of snow.

              Rev engine a lot to make sure the car really is stuck.

              Continue revving engine to make the ice more slippery.

              Get out of car, glare at the snow pile, glare at car.

              Get back in car, continue revving engine and ice polishing.

              Slap steering wheel with hands.

              Get out a cellphone, call someone.

              Gesticulate wildly.

              The someone from the call shows up.

              Both persons glare at the car, the ice, and the snowpile.

              One revs the engine, one tries to push.

              When this fails, the pusher gets into the second vehicle.

              A low speed but forceful crash happens.  THWACK!

              The stuck car is now free.

The incident recurs with a revolving cast all week.  Not one of the people involved seem to

realize all they needed to do to avoid this scenario was to drive slowly on ice.  This is Michigan, after all, not Georgia or South Carolina where snow and ice are rare.

And yes, I am aware that the winter has been so long and boring that I have sunk to this.  I could get out and help, but all the stuck people have been young and able bodied, and usually are using our street to bypass a traffic light.  Very few people actually live on the street and since I live about midway down, none of these folks are simply trying to get to the next street as they wouldn't have had to turn onto the street to do that.  

And so I watch them.

  

Happenings

Mr. Safety, my assistant store manager,  the guy who tells me I drive too fast on the forklift (maxes out at 8 mph) was late for work yesterday morning.  I called around trying to get a manager to unlock the doors so I could quit playing stare at the truck driver who was waiting to be unloaded.  Turned out, Mr. Safety got a speeding ticket for driving 89 in a 70 mph zone.  So next time he tells me I'm driving too fast, he's going to hear some laughter.

My friend's toddler now does a fly by pee in his potty.  Funny.  Runs over, semi squats over the potty, watches himself pee, giggles, and runs off to cause more mayhem.  He also refers to people randomly as "Turkey Piss"  which is the most hilarious thing I've heard in a while.  Can't believe he will be two in a couple months.

I had to finally resort to a pregnancy test as my body was yet another week late...it read negative which is a huge relief.  Wish I was one of those amazing clockwork women, but I have never been.

Vincent the bunny woke us last night by thumping his feet repetitively.  Turns out he was mad he had slumped down all his water and was apparently demanding more.  Quieted right down when I gave him a refill.  Strange, considering that if I clean his litter box too well, he forgets to pee in the box and goes on the floor so I have to remember not to clean all the pee out of the box. Silly bunny.

In other news, houses should be self-cleaning.

The Freak Out Portion of my Life

I am tired of the following cycle:

Have period.
Live life.
Spot randomly.
Period is late.
Freak out because period is late.

I am currently in the freak out portion of my life.  Again.

Not because I am irresponsible.  Just because nothing is 100 percent and I don't go to the doctor.  I can't.  I also can't afford a baby or an abortion. Or health insurance or a doctor.

Why couldn't my idiot ob/gyn in the days when I had insurance just have agreed to let me have that hysterectomy I so badly wanted?

Not everyone wants kids.  When will American medicine recognize this?  My body, my life. I am not a soldier-making machine for this country...which I believe is what the underlying issue toward women in this country being in control of their own bodies.

So I get to spend days and days and days of my life which adds up over the years to an abominable amount of my life, most likely, freaking out wondering what to do if I am indeed infested with a parasite that I don't want or need.